just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
