We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
