ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
