I wanna bring you to show and tell
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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