my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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