upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this just has baby written all over it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
