Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
