If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
