Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
