just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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