We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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