Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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