Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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