I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
