You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
