I faked an abortion last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
