New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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