Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
