there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
