We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
