You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
