Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
