I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
