Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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