The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
