Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
