I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
