So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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