Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
