I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
