We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
