it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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