never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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