Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
