man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
