I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
