...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
