first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
