if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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