i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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