I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
