now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I made him laugh his dick is mine
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
