I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
