Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
