is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We had sex on a dog bed..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
