singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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