forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
