i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
