my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
