Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
