So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
