she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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