I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
